A matchmaker's guide to starting a long-term relationship
A few tips can save you years of frustration.
Dating advice is often centered around meeting new, attractive people and getting them to go out with you. That's all well and good, but what if you're looking for something long-term? You might need to think about more than where to find women (everywhere) and how to take a headshot for your online dating profile.
Chaya Weisberg, a matchmaker living in Jerusalem, has thought a lot about this stuff, and she has advice for everyone who never wants to look at Tinder again.
Notice how they treat their families
Does he call his mom? Is she nice to her sister? Weisberg points out that everyone is on their best behavior at the beginning of a relationship. But after a while, people often start treating their partners more like family members.
"What's he like as a son and a brother?" Weisberg asks.
How a potential partner acts around family is a decent indicator of how they'll act toward you after the "I can't believe we're finally going out!" period is over.
"Nobody should think that they will be an exception," Weisberg says. "They will be treated exactly the same."
Don't turn your dating life into your friends' entertainment
There's a reason Jerry couldn't keep a girlfriend for more than a week. (Photo: Screenshot/Youtube)
Talking to a trusted individual or two is great, but Weisberg doesn't recommend sharing your dating details with everyone you pass on the street.
"It's important not to discuss dating with everyone in the world," Weisberg says. "They will cloud your judgment. You'll end up dropping a good guy or staying with a bad guy."
Figure out what you want
It's easy to get caught up in excitement with a new date without realizing that the person you're dating is a terrible match for you.
This problem can be solved, like everything, with lists. Weisberg recommends picking 15 qualities you'd want in a partner, then choosing five top ones. If the person you're dating doesn't have at least some of those top qualities, then maybe they're not the best idea.
Decide if a future is possible
If you've got the long-term in mind, you can save a lot of time and stress by making sure you and your date can live the same life in the same place. If one of you is determined to move to New York to be a playwright, while the other one is dead-set on returning to his hometown of Tel Aviv, then you're going to have a problem.
It's not just geography. If one of you wants to live in a log cabin, and the other has a deathly fear of dirt, then you might end up having to part ways. So you're better off figuring out whether your goals align from the start.
Make sure you have the two most important things in mind
People want all kinds of different things out of their partners, but Weisberg considers two elements to be universally crucial.
"If admiration and respect aren't there, it won't work out," she says.
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